I realize that it’s not for me to tell people what they should do, instruct them how to be in life. Indeed, I can only advise or recommend and any choice made is ultimately theirs. This principle applies when it comes to the subject of giving advice on being a good parent.Taken from my own experience and the trusted advice of others topass on to you the reader here is my list of valuable insights I have learnt,making up what might be called ‘the good parenting guide.’
Someone once told me that children are just small-bodied people and should be treated this way. What this means is the label ‘children’ or ‘kid’ and all the connotations; the way they’re regarded and treated and the kid-like behaviour they give back to you as a consequence originally stemmed from middle class Victorian / Edwardian families.
Before this time period or outside of the middle classes, unliketoday, children were treated and therefore acted like small-bodied adults.Hence the saying small-bodied people… As soon as they were physically able theywere sent off to work to make a living just like any adult… What I’m saying isthat it would be more effective in the child’s development to be treated likesmall-bodied adults with less of the ‘kiddie’ treatment and all itsconnotations.
Sure, while discipline is important children need to be allowedtheir self-expression and where appropriate given empathy not sympathy. Whetherit’s given to a child or an adult sympathy only serves to make someone feellike they’re a victim. This victim state can be deeply ingrained in adultswhich stems from too much sympathy during childhood. Once again, empathy notsympathy.
I would recommend that the child should not be hit for a numberof reasons:
1. Research has shown this observed behaviour encourageschildren to do the same to other children…
2. It devalues the child’s self image as well as the parent’sand in some cases could lead to abuse
3. It doesn’t make the child behave any better. Sometimes it canmake the child worse and angry…
4. Hitting could traumatise the child, having long-termconsequences
While parents know that they should not spoil their child, there is no such thing as giving it too much love. I know that parents can have expectations about their children. However, remember, to love your child means to love them unconditionally: To love them for the way they are and the way they are not.
I realize sometimes that regardless of the child’s agecommunication can be difficult at times. Some of the pitfalls to watch out forare:
Trying to communicate something in anger:
You may have something fair and justified to say to your child,however, the child; instead of hearing the fair and justified part in the conversation he/she only picks up on your anger. The child reacts to it and a breakdown in communication then occurs.
Not be a clearing for communication:
Because parents are more able and developed in their communication sometimes their child is too shy or reticent to talk to their father or mother about something, fearing that they will be invalidated or told off,even when the child has something quite fair and justified to say as both parents would acknowledge if it were expressed. To prevent the withhold parents need to make themselves open for communication at all times thus allowing the child to express views and communicate openly.
Not finding out what the withhold is
Consistent with the above, one of the greatest ways in which children fall out with parents is because they have withholds. Indeed the trick is find out what the child is withholding.
In my pieces of advice, I would recommend that parents not argue in front of the child. It makes the child feel insecure. Remember, the behaviour of parents greatly influences the child and carries on into adulthood. If you treat your spouse in anger or contempt… how do you think your child will grow up to be? Your child may not do as you say but it will grow upto be like you, right?